Yesterday I received some of the saddest news that a daughter can hear: My mom would be dying soon. The cancer that has been creeping through her body for the past three years has consumed her, and she can no longer fight it. I hesitate to use that phrase--"fight cancer"--as I know that my mom hates it, and she has never wanted to be described as having "battled" cancer. But you know, when you look at the logistics of all the treatments that my mom has endured I would have to use the cliched words to describe what she has undergone. She truly has fought to keep the cancer spots at bay, and she has been willing to try every treatment that her doctors have suggested. But just as every soldier at some point has to put down their sword or gun, my mom has to lay aside the burdens of this world and go to her heavenly home.
Words cannot adequately convey the depth of emotion of how much I will miss my mom. But I wanted to share some of the things that I feel best encompass my mom and her character and the legacy of caring and love that she has cultivated.
What My Mom Means to Me
Love at all times
Laughter often
Tears from laughter
Always a smile
A phone call just to check in and see how your day has gone
Having time to talk
Hearing your full name said in a manner that only mothers can master
A listening ear
Giving advice
Daily emails
Pictures emailed one at a time because she could never figure out how to send them all at once
Calling me "Nik" but spelling it "Nic"
"Nickel-Ann"
Repeated words of wisdom
"The squeaky wheel gets the grease."
"If you don't want to be a doormat then get up off the floor."
"Tow the line."
"If you want it done right then just do it yourself."
Reminders of just who is the parent in my family: myself or my children. "Don't stoop to their level."
A hindey boosh [I am probably spelling that horrendously, but others from my family will know exactly to what I'm referring.]
Delicious foods
Essig kraut and dumplings
Pumpkin bars
Food care packages
Pancakes, french toast, or omelettes on the weekends for breakfast
Swan Lake summer sausage
Canned goods
Pickles!
Hamburger hotdish in the red, wheat bowl
Home made stir fry
Not liking her tacos
Big gardens
Her bewilderment over my lack of enthusiasm towards cooking
Yearly pumpkins for the children
Chic clothing
Going shopping, or as Mom would say "rutching" [I sure wish I knew German.]
Phrases uttered in German and then a chuckle
Frequently wanting to buy me clothing. "You never buy anything for yourself, Nicole. You always find something for the kids and David but not for you."
A screw in her elbow
Watching her do countless floor exercises
Snoring and her mouth wide open
Her love of country decor
Reading biographies
Letting me stay home from school if I would do household chores, especially laundry
Super appreciating my skill at cleaning bathtubs
Remembering important family events
Surprise cards in the mail for my children
Always trying to honor Luke's memory
Her complete anguish over Luke's death
The tender way she snuggles the babies
Teaching me how to give a baby a bath
Wanting to be of service
Coming home and finding that she has washed my dishes for me
Trying to help me and my family in any way that she could
The importance of traditions
Her love of pets
Trying to get me to play a sport in school
Her pride in my academic achievements
Her constant reassurance that I am a great mother and wife and that the life I have chosen is honorable and every bit something to be proud of
Her mannerisms displayed in me
Putting up a brave face for all of us
Being our mountain of strength even though inside she was facing an avalanche
Love at all times
~~~
3/6/13 Note:
I want to thank all who read this tribute for their love and support. It was such an uplifting experience to read your memories of Mom and your testimonies of her character.
I submit here some of the shared memories by you and some more of mine.
A box of Preference blond hair dye
M&M cookies in the school bus box
2% milk (nothing else would do)
Being asked to bike to Hy-Vee to pick up milk ☺
Homemade salad dressing
Atomic "mild" salsa (I couldn't even be in the same room when she was canning this, my eyes watered so badly)
Buying us several slip n' slides for the summer and letting seemingly the entire neighborhood come over to play
Apple trees
Laundry on the line, even socks
Chronic back pain and having Ron "put her back in"
My first trip to Duluth
Supplying flowers for my first garden
Delphiniums and purple cone flower
Porcelain dolls around the house
Extreme generosity
Compassion
Empathy
Learning to embroider
Making her bed for her
A cedar chest full of memorabilia and bridesmaid dresses that I wanted to fit into desperately
A closet full of shoes to use while playing dress up
Clever hiding spot for Christmas presents, but we always knew where they were hidden and we peaked
The importance of family
Compliments. "You're hair is so long, Nic." "You're so thin." And even during her hospice time, "You smell good!"
A Japanese jewelry box that I loved to lock and unlock and stare at the jewels inside
Telling her "five more minutes" in the mornings before school when she would turn on my light to wake me
A cupboard full of Tupperware but not being able to find a bottom and a matching lid
Questions about technology
Having to patiently show her how to do things related to technology
Supplying the kids with their own craft boxes
Doing crafts with the children
Making cookies with Em. "Emma's cookies turn out better than mine!"
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Etiquette. It's not just for the other guy.
We can all use a good reminder now and then of how to wisely live among the billions of other people inhabiting this planet.
Grievance 1: Shopping carts. I pull into the parking lot and attempt to park my vehicle when I spot it: A rogue cart in the stall. I begrudgingly back out and find a new spot. Ugh.
How difficult is it to properly return your cart, really? I do realize that there are times when the corral is twenty feet away, but it only takes a few seconds to walk that distance pushing your cart. And how about those people who DO return their carts, but instead of pushing them all the way into the corral they leave them at the entrance, and then EVERYONE afterwards just decides to pile up their carts after that first cart. Now there are 10+ carts sticking out into the driving areas simply because that first person couldn't walk the extra six feet. If I see this I will try to push those carts back into the corral, but often there are so many stuck together that they are too heavy to push. Add packed snow/ice into the scenario, and there is no way anyone can move those carts without that special red cart car. JUST PUT YOUR CART INTO THE CORRAL!
Grievance 2: Facebook posts. Oh man, could I say a lot about the posts I see on Facebook. But I would like to call special attention to the political debates and the posts that are just too personal.
First off, if you are going to post an opinion that is politically divisive PLEASE have an open mind and be willing to accept that at least one of your friends does not share your opinion. If you are going to post anything that is political in nature or is an issue of hot debate you have to realize that you are opening yourself up to people's comments, and we all know that an Internet debate will be the result. NO ONE wins an Internet debate. No one's opinions are swayed by your eloquently worded, fact-filled post. Moreover your friends just get all worked up by the discussion, and both sides end up upset. This isn't helpful to anyone.
During the election there was a lot of posts from people who wanted others to vote no to the marriage amendment. But instead of simply saying to their friends "I am going to vote no, but you can vote however you feel is right." people posted nasty, one-sided posts regarding how selfish the other side was and that they were most certainly wrong, etc. There were some who went so far as to say, "Tell me now if you plan to vote yes so I can unfriend you." Wow. That is extremely petty. Are you so close-minded that you don't even want to be friends with someone who doesn't agree with you? Sounds kind of cultish to me. Not once did I see a mean-spirited post by a person who planned to vote yes. All their posts were courteous, friendly, and considerate to others' opinions. If you want others to respect your beliefs then you need to extend them the same courtesy.
Onto the posts that are just too personal, aka TMI. Rule of thumb: If you wouldn't stand up in a crowded room and announce whatever it is that you have to say, then don't say it on Facebook. It's that simple.
Grievance 3: Family interaction. "Why should I have to pick that up? I didn't make the mess." "I put away my Legos. Those other ones are hers." My girls are struggling with this attitude lately.
Being part of a family means pitching in and helping out, even when you aren't responsible for the mess. Maybe you weren't the one who had the idea to play with the Littlest Pet Shop toys, but you certainly did play with it. That means that yes, you have to help put it away.
The other question I hear is, "Why can't you do it?" When a family member asks someone else to do something for them it is generally because they have a valid reason for asking, and responding to a request with a question like that just causes frustration and shows self-centeredness. Instead you ought to be asking yourself what is preventing you from doing what was asked. Is it because you are hindered, or is it because you simply don't want to do it?
I often remind my girls of Jesus' example of washing the disciples feet. -- The disciples and Jesus had been walking all day, and now they were going to sit down and have a meal together. But first someone needed to wash the dust and dirt off their sandal-wearing feet. It was a disgusting job that only the lowest of servants performed; none of the disciples wanted to do it. And yet Jesus did it for all his disciples. -- That kind of example of servitude is what we ought to be exemplifying in our homes. By "we" I mean every family member: children and parents. Sometimes we are asked to perform tasks that simply suck, but when we follow Jesus' example of doing a gross chore without complaint that brings much glory to our Father.
Grievance 1: Shopping carts. I pull into the parking lot and attempt to park my vehicle when I spot it: A rogue cart in the stall. I begrudgingly back out and find a new spot. Ugh.
How difficult is it to properly return your cart, really? I do realize that there are times when the corral is twenty feet away, but it only takes a few seconds to walk that distance pushing your cart. And how about those people who DO return their carts, but instead of pushing them all the way into the corral they leave them at the entrance, and then EVERYONE afterwards just decides to pile up their carts after that first cart. Now there are 10+ carts sticking out into the driving areas simply because that first person couldn't walk the extra six feet. If I see this I will try to push those carts back into the corral, but often there are so many stuck together that they are too heavy to push. Add packed snow/ice into the scenario, and there is no way anyone can move those carts without that special red cart car. JUST PUT YOUR CART INTO THE CORRAL!
Grievance 2: Facebook posts. Oh man, could I say a lot about the posts I see on Facebook. But I would like to call special attention to the political debates and the posts that are just too personal.
First off, if you are going to post an opinion that is politically divisive PLEASE have an open mind and be willing to accept that at least one of your friends does not share your opinion. If you are going to post anything that is political in nature or is an issue of hot debate you have to realize that you are opening yourself up to people's comments, and we all know that an Internet debate will be the result. NO ONE wins an Internet debate. No one's opinions are swayed by your eloquently worded, fact-filled post. Moreover your friends just get all worked up by the discussion, and both sides end up upset. This isn't helpful to anyone.
During the election there was a lot of posts from people who wanted others to vote no to the marriage amendment. But instead of simply saying to their friends "I am going to vote no, but you can vote however you feel is right." people posted nasty, one-sided posts regarding how selfish the other side was and that they were most certainly wrong, etc. There were some who went so far as to say, "Tell me now if you plan to vote yes so I can unfriend you." Wow. That is extremely petty. Are you so close-minded that you don't even want to be friends with someone who doesn't agree with you? Sounds kind of cultish to me. Not once did I see a mean-spirited post by a person who planned to vote yes. All their posts were courteous, friendly, and considerate to others' opinions. If you want others to respect your beliefs then you need to extend them the same courtesy.
Onto the posts that are just too personal, aka TMI. Rule of thumb: If you wouldn't stand up in a crowded room and announce whatever it is that you have to say, then don't say it on Facebook. It's that simple.
Grievance 3: Family interaction. "Why should I have to pick that up? I didn't make the mess." "I put away my Legos. Those other ones are hers." My girls are struggling with this attitude lately.
Being part of a family means pitching in and helping out, even when you aren't responsible for the mess. Maybe you weren't the one who had the idea to play with the Littlest Pet Shop toys, but you certainly did play with it. That means that yes, you have to help put it away.
The other question I hear is, "Why can't you do it?" When a family member asks someone else to do something for them it is generally because they have a valid reason for asking, and responding to a request with a question like that just causes frustration and shows self-centeredness. Instead you ought to be asking yourself what is preventing you from doing what was asked. Is it because you are hindered, or is it because you simply don't want to do it?
I often remind my girls of Jesus' example of washing the disciples feet. -- The disciples and Jesus had been walking all day, and now they were going to sit down and have a meal together. But first someone needed to wash the dust and dirt off their sandal-wearing feet. It was a disgusting job that only the lowest of servants performed; none of the disciples wanted to do it. And yet Jesus did it for all his disciples. -- That kind of example of servitude is what we ought to be exemplifying in our homes. By "we" I mean every family member: children and parents. Sometimes we are asked to perform tasks that simply suck, but when we follow Jesus' example of doing a gross chore without complaint that brings much glory to our Father.
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