What my mom means to me.

Yesterday I received some of the saddest news that a daughter can hear: My mom would be dying soon. The cancer that has been creeping through her body for the past three years has consumed her, and she can no longer fight it. I hesitate to use that phrase--"fight cancer"--as I know that my mom hates it, and she has never wanted to be described as having "battled" cancer. But you know, when you look at the logistics of all the treatments that my mom has endured I would have to use the cliched words to describe what she has undergone. She truly has fought to keep the cancer spots at bay, and she has been willing to try every treatment that her doctors have suggested. But just as every soldier at some point has to put down their sword or gun, my mom has to lay aside the burdens of this world and go to her heavenly home.

Words cannot adequately convey the depth of emotion of how much I will miss my mom. But I wanted to share some of the things that I feel best encompass my mom and her character and the legacy of caring and love that she has cultivated.

What My Mom Means to Me
Love at all times
Laughter often
Tears from laughter
Always a smile
A phone call just to check in and see how your day has gone
Having time to talk
Hearing your full name said in a manner that only mothers can master
A listening ear
Giving advice
Daily emails
Pictures emailed one at a time because she could never figure out how to send them all at once
Calling me "Nik" but spelling it "Nic"
"Nickel-Ann"
Repeated words of wisdom
"The squeaky wheel gets the grease."
"If you don't want to be a doormat then get up off the floor."
"Tow the line."
"If you want it done right then just do it yourself."
Reminders of just who is the parent in my family: myself or my children. "Don't stoop to their level."
A hindey boosh [I am probably spelling that horrendously, but others from my family will know exactly to what I'm referring.]
Delicious foods
Essig kraut and dumplings
Pumpkin bars
Food care packages
Pancakes, french toast, or omelettes on the weekends for breakfast
Swan Lake summer sausage
Canned goods
Pickles!
Hamburger hotdish in the red, wheat bowl
Home made stir fry
Not liking her tacos
Big gardens
Her bewilderment over my lack of enthusiasm towards cooking
Yearly pumpkins for the children
Chic clothing
Going shopping, or as Mom would say "rutching" [I sure wish I knew German.]
Phrases uttered in German and then a chuckle
Frequently wanting to buy me clothing. "You never buy anything for yourself, Nicole. You always find something for the kids and David but not for you."
A screw in her elbow
Watching her do countless floor exercises
Snoring and her mouth wide open
Her love of country decor
Reading biographies
Letting me stay home from school if I would do household chores, especially laundry
Super appreciating my skill at cleaning bathtubs
Remembering important family events
Surprise cards in the mail for my children
Always trying to honor Luke's memory
Her complete anguish over Luke's death
The tender way she snuggles the babies
Teaching me how to give a baby a bath
Wanting to be of service
Coming home and finding that she has washed my dishes for me
Trying to help me and my family in any way that she could
The importance of traditions
Her love of pets
Trying to get me to play a sport in school
Her pride in my academic achievements
Her constant reassurance that I am a great mother and wife and that the life I have chosen is honorable and every bit something to be proud of
Her mannerisms displayed in me
Putting up a brave face for all of us
Being our mountain of strength even though inside she was facing an avalanche
Love at all times
~~~

3/6/13 Note:
I want to thank all who read this tribute for their love and support. It was such an uplifting experience to read your memories of Mom and your testimonies of her character.
I submit here some of the shared memories by you and some more of mine.

A box of Preference blond hair dye
M&M cookies in the school bus box
2% milk (nothing else would do)
Being asked to bike to Hy-Vee to pick up milk ☺
Homemade salad dressing
Atomic "mild" salsa (I couldn't even be in the same room when she was canning this, my eyes watered so badly)
Buying us several slip n' slides for the summer and letting seemingly the entire neighborhood come over to play
Apple trees
Laundry on the line, even socks
Chronic back pain and having Ron "put her back in"
My first trip to Duluth
Supplying flowers for my first garden
Delphiniums and purple cone flower
Porcelain dolls around the house
Extreme generosity
Compassion
Empathy
Learning to embroider
Making her bed for her
A cedar chest full of memorabilia and bridesmaid dresses that I wanted to fit into desperately
A closet full of shoes to use while playing dress up
Clever hiding spot for Christmas presents, but we always knew where they were hidden and we peaked
The importance of family
Compliments. "You're hair is so long, Nic." "You're so thin." And even during her hospice time, "You smell good!"
A Japanese jewelry box that I loved to lock and unlock and stare at the jewels inside
Telling her "five more minutes" in the mornings before school when she would turn on my light to wake me
A cupboard full of Tupperware but not being able to find a bottom and a matching lid
Questions about technology
Having to patiently show her how to do things related to technology
Supplying the kids with their own craft boxes
Doing crafts with the children
Making cookies with Em. "Emma's cookies turn out better than mine!"